Natural Passages

In This Issue

Life Stages

The Natural Passages Program

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Herb Stevenson

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Herb talks about the Four Principals of Leadership.

    Natural Passages Newsletter

DECEMBER 2012

 

Hi folks,

In the following pages is a process to evaluate yourself in the various stages of life. For the curious, courageous, and desperate, it offers an opportunity to complete a life review prior to the waning years of life or more importantly prior to the final review that occurs just before the final passing.

I suggest taking the time to reflect as you go through the process.

Choosing to Live Consciously
Herb Stevenson


Life Stages

Erik Erikson1, Daniel Levinson2, and Gail Sheehy3 conducted research and identified developmental stages through which most people pass in their life's journey. As we pass through these stages some personal values may deepen or fall away while new ones surfaces.

These stages are only approximations, as some will go through particular stages early while others may spend little time in one and much time in another. For example Erickson believed we moved through the following stages.

Erickson's Psychosocial Stages

I imagine it is easy to find something on the above chart that creates a pang of fear, pain, or wonderment. Rather than dwell on the past, there is a way to review and reframe it through a different set of stages that start with early adult. I like to refer to is as a life review of what worked well, what worked not so well, and what have we learned from it so that we can leave the pangs of fear or pain and create moments of wonderment and joy.

Life's Stages4

As you read the following pages, pay attention to memories, physical reactions, your trends of thought, moments of angst, moments of joy or ecstacy, and other reactions. As these reactions come to your attention, you may feel like these moments were "deciding or defining". Hold these reactions and express them in the questions that follow each stage of life.

If you have not lived through a stage or have not entered a stage, you can choose to read and skip the questions or be playful and guestimate how it will be for you. Do not strain yourself. Trust that what needs to surface will emerge.

Stage 1. Autonomy and Tentative Choices (Approximately 18-26)

In this stage we are typically developing personal autonomy and leaving the family to establish an independent home, finances etc. We're developing our own sense of personhood as separate from parents and childhood peer groups. We try out new relationships (e.g., romantic interests, professional associates, peer groups and friends). This is typically a period of tentative or provisional commitments. We're comfortable there is plenty of time ahead to change our minds on provisional decisions concerning things like location, occupation, plans to marry or not marry, friends, key life values, etc. Our focus is on defining ourselves as individuals and establishing an initial life structure.

During this time of your life, what did you most personally value? Explain What did you personally dislike about this time of your life?

List three or four soul choices that were made or life-changing events that occurred during this time that have impacted your life. Describe the impact.

Stage 2. Young Adult Transition (Approximately 27-31)

This is usually a period of significant turmoil - of looking at who we are becoming and asking if we're really journeying in directions we want to go. We question most of our earlier tentative choices. Have we made the right decisions? Are we running out of time for changing our decisions? Are our decisions becoming permanent before we want them to? Do we really want to make this location, career path or romantic relationship permanent? Will we or will we not settle down and have a family? Is time running out? Often with considerable angst similar to the better known mid-life crisis we rethink our provisional decisions and maintain them or change them in the process of making more permanent choices.

During this time, what did you most personally value? Explain.

What did you personally dislike about this time of your life?

List three or four choices that were made or events that occurred during this time that have impacted your life. Describe the impact.

Stage 3. Making Commitments (Approximately 32-42)

This is typically a period of relative order and stability where we implement and live the choices made in the young adult transition. We settle down into deeper commitments involving work, family, church, our community ties etc. We focus on accomplishment, becoming our own persons and generating an inner sense of expertise and mastery of our professions. By now we have a better developed and fairly well defined, though not usually final, dream of what we want to achieve in life. We put significant energy into achieving the dream.

During this time, what did you most personally value? Explain

What did you personally dislike about this time of your life?

List three or four choices that were made or events that occurred during this time that have impacted your life. Describe the impact.

Stage 4. Mid-Life Transition (Approximately 42-48)

This is the stage of mid-life questioning that's been discussed so much in the popular press. Here we tend to question everything again. If we have not achieved our dreams we wonder why not. Were they really the right dreams? If we have achieved our dreams we look at what values we might have neglected in their pursuit. Was it worth it? Either way we're probably disillusioned. A period of reassessment and realignment usually takes place, including recognition and re-balancing of key polarities, such as:

Immortality vs. Mortality - While young people know better intellectually, emotionally they seem to feel they are immortal. In mid-life we start to realize it may be half over and we want to make the best of what remains. This typically requires some revision of priorities and values - perhaps less emphasis on values already achieved and more emphasis on those we have neglected.

Constructive vs. Destructive - Up to mid-life, most of us fool ourselves that our behavior has been constructive while we had to deal with others' destructive behavior. In mid-life we get the uncomfortable insight that we have also engaged in our share of destructive as well as constructive behavior. This insight is painful but essential if we want to continue growing intellectually and spiritually.

Nurturing vs. Aggressive - Whether we have focused on aggressive (e.g., fast track corporate careers) or nurturing (e.g., teaching, social work, or homemaking) behavior to date, in midlife we often want to re-balance. Some aggressive corporate people want to spend more time nurturing with their families or in socially oriented work, and some who have been in more service-oriented nurturing careers want to pursue something more aggressive or financially rewarding.

The experts stress that acknowledging the turmoil, experiencing the pain, and facing and resolving the polarities is essential for continued growth and satisfaction. Refusing to acknowledge or experience mid-life anxieties and questionsor at some unconscious level trying to go back and be twenty againis usually a sure way to get stuck and disgruntled in a way station.

If you went through a mid life transition as described, what became the most important discovery? How did it change your life?

During this time, what did you most personally value? Explain.

What did you personally dislike about this time of your life?

List three or four choices that were made or events that occurred during this time that have impacted your life. Describe the impact.

Stage 5. Leaving a Legacy (Approximately 49-65)

The period after completion of the mid-life transition can be one of the most productive of all stages. We are usually at the peak of our mature abilities here. If the issues of the mid-life transition have been acknowledged and addressed we can make our greatest possible contributions to others and society. Here we can be less driven, less ego-centered, less compelled to compete with and impress others. Instead we can focus on what really matters to us, on developing younger people, on community with others, on leaving some personal legacy that really makes things better for people (whether it's recognized as our personal legacy or not), and on accomplishing values that our maturity and greater spirituality tell us have the most true meaning in the overall scheme of life.

During this time, what did you most personally value? Explain.

What did you personally dislike about this time of your life?

List three or four choices that were made or events that occurred during this time that have impacted your life. Describe the impact.

Stage 6. Spiritual Resolution (Approximately 66 and Beyond)

This is the stage of tying things up, of completing the design of what we want to become, of finalizing our growth and assessing/fine-tuning the persons we have made of ourselves. This stage can go on for many years. It can be hopeful or cynical depending on how realistically, humbly, and effectively we have resolved (or now finally resolve) the issues faced in earlier stages. We may move into this stage sooner or later depending on how rapidly we have developed in earlier stages - how much we have moved beyond our narrow selves. Here we come to grips with the ultimate limitations of life, ourselves and mortality. We can look hopefully and unflinchingly at the ultimate meaning of our life and the life of others in the larger context. We do the best we can to pass whatever wisdom we have gained on to others. We accept others for what they are, seeing them as growing like we are and part of humankind's diversity. Our sense of community continually expands as we prepare for survival of the spirit beyond our mortality.

During this time, what did you most personally value? Explain.

What did you personally dislike about this time of your life?

List three or four choices that were made or events that occurred during this time that have impacted your life. Describe the impact.

Integration

In reviewing what has come and gone and what is yet to come, what thoughts, feelings, and/or reactions come to you?

Are there themes that run through your most personally valued stages?

Are there themes of dislike that run through your life stages?

In looking back, have your prior choices informed you about your present self or state? or possibly embarrassed you? Explain.

After some reflections, are there any choices that you would change? Explain.

After writing your thoughts, discuss with your life partner or a close friend.

Footnotes

1 See: Erik Erikson's, The Life Cycle Completed, Identity and the Life Cycle 1982, and Vital Involvement
in Old Age, 1989.

2 See: Daniel J. Levinson's, The Season's of a Man's Life, 1986, and The Seasons of Woman's Life, 1997.

3 See: Gail Sheehy's, New Passages: Mapping your Life Across Time, 1996.

4 The Life Stages paragraphs of this exercise were adapted from Your Soul at Work Copyright 2002, Nicholas Weiler


Natural Passages Program

March 21-24, 2013
June 20-23, 2013
September 19-22, 2013
November 14-17, 2013

Nature based programs that support men through the doorways of life that aren't clearly marked.

We shall not cease from exploration, And the end of all our exploring, Will be to arrive where we started, And know the place
for the first time.

-- T. S. Eliot.

Natural Passages Program

The Turning

I
A bear loped before me on a narrow, wooded road;
with a sound like a sudden shifting of ashes,
he turned and plunged into his own blackness.

II
I keep a fire and tell a story:
I was born one winter in a cave at the root of a tree.

The wind thawing in a northern forest opened a leafy road.

As I walked there, I heard the tall sun burning its dead;
I turned and saw behind me a charred companion, my shed life.

--John Haines


Natural Passages: Men Becoming Leaders

Background

Indigenous cultures refer to medicine as the essence of the person, place or thing. In our terms it is the essence of being a man as a spiritual, physical, mental and emotional being. In today's society it is not always clear what it means to be a man. Moreover, it is not always clear how to be a man, nor is it always clear how to be the authentic self, fully present, regardless of circumstances. It seems that we have forgotten the essence of being a man, the medicine of being a man.

Rites of Passage: The Hero's Journey

In prior times, the creation and development of medicine of men were done through various forms of initiations, now more commonly called Hero's journeys. These journeys were structured rituals and ceremonies that brought the boy/man face-to-face with the boyish attitudes and beliefs that no longer served the evolving man.

These rituals and ceremonies were designed to ignite the deep masculine energies that would enable the boy to let go of the boyish ways that tended toward selfcenteredness and move toward family and community responsibilities. These rituals and ceremonies often involved facing the deepest personal fears of boyhood. These processes would enable the man to evolve from the ashes of the boy.

Secrets of Being a Man: Leadership

Hero's journeys were catalysts to burn away the psychology of being a boy so that new paradigms or world views could evolve. For the initiation to be successful, the initiatory process required that sacred space be created and held by others. In this sacred space, the initiates would be able to discover and release the habits and patterns of the past to create a new way of being. New paradigms were taught to the evolving men so that they would understand the energies within themselves that could be birthed and developed into skills and ways of being complete within the world. These paradigms or world views were considered the secrets of manhood.

Natural Passages: Men Becoming Leaders

Natural Passages: Men Becoming Leaders is a one year male initiation program. It is a program that enables the core integrity of the man to surface. It is designed to awaken, develop, and nurture the essence and fullness of being a man in today's world. Our focus is developmental. We seek to invoke the unfoldment of mature masculine energies. Our goal is specific. We seek to assist each man to find his place in the world. Our hope is honorable. We seek to fill the void of mature men that can stay within the center of whom they are regardless of circumstances and lead others. Our dream is selfish. In supporting others to find their place in the world, we envision your leading others to do the same. Therein, we can build community and make a difference in the world.

We Will Experience

Natural Passages will build a community amongst nature. We will experience the healing of reconnecting to the earth by living in harmony with nature. We will experience a purification sweat lodge every week-end to enable each man to shed old skins of being in the world and be reborn. We will experience being fully present with ourselves and with others so that we can make meaningful contact instead of talk at each other. We will experience talking circles to explore what it means to be a man. We will experience the formation of a community and what it means to be a member of one. We will explore what it means to become a member of the male community. We will explore what is means to be a man.

We Will Meet

The One-year Initiation Program will meet four times over the course of the year. It includes four in-depth experiences of cycles of life and the stages of change. Each weekend will explore one of four male archetypes. Beginning in the Spring, we will explore the archetypal energies of the Warrior, including how we can become sidetracked into being a perpetual hero or an unconscious victim. In the Summer, we will explore, the archetypal energies of the Sage, including how we can be consumed by the energies of the trickster and/or fool. In the Autumn, we will explore the Healer energies where we come into our own sense of compassion and receptivity or become consumed by addictions or desensitization. Finally, we finish in the Winter in the world of the archetypal Sovereign, where we claim our internal power or become tyrants or wimps.

Who Attends

The program draws from a wide range of men throughout the country. We are diverse in age, occupation, orientation, race, income, culture, and ethnicity. Medical doctors, international consultants, computer programmers, college graduate students, business development directors, factory laborers, construction workers, various levels of management, and several CEOs from mid sized organizations have completed the program.

We Will Facilitate

Herb StevensonHerb Stevenson is the founder of the Medicine of Men program. He is President/CEO of the Cleveland Consulting Group, Inc., where he is specializes in executive and leadership development. He is listed in eight Who's Who lists, including Who's Who in American Law, Who's Who in Finance and Industry, and W ho's who in American Education. Herb is on the faculty at the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland where he teaches in clinical and organizational programs and Cleveland State University where he teaches in the diversity management graduate school program. He facilitates Men's Circles in the Cleveland area. He is on the Board of Trustees of The American Indian Education Center in Cleveland, Ohio. Herb has spent that last decade reclaiming his Cherokee and Shawnee Indian heritage. He can be reached at herb@natural-passages.com, or
440 338 1705 W ebsite: www.natural-nassages.com

Dates for the 2013 Program

March 21-24, 2013
June 20-23, 2013
September 19-22, 2013
November 14-17, 2013

Your Investment

The fee for the One Year Initiation program is:

  • $2400 for individuals and
  • $4800 for business and corporations

If the full amount is paid by February 1st of the program year, there is a $300 discount for individuals and a $600 discount for businesses and corporations, so that the program cost will be $2100 and $4200 respectively. Full payment is due March 1st of the program year.

There is a non-refundable $200 application fee for the One-year Initiation Program and the Intensive program. It will be applied to the program fee, if applicable. See application for details. Checks should be made payable to: the Cleveland Consulting Group, Inc.

Payment plans are available, but must be arranged prior to the start of the program.

Camp Set-up and Tear-down

Registration is from 8:00 am to 9:00 am. Camp set-up is from 10:00 a.m. The weekends will close on Sunday at 2:00 p.m. after the tear down of the camp.

Some items you will need

We will be living amongst nature. Tents will be provided. However, you will need to bring a sleeping bag, ground cloth, and a ground pad or cot. You will need to bring rain gear as we will meet rain or shine or snow or sleet. You will need to bring clothing appropriate to being outside. Insulated boots would be appropriate for the winter. Flash lights and washable eating utensils, including plate/bowl, cup, knife, fork and spoon are required. You will need to bring soap and shaving gear as desired. Be mindful that the walking path to camp is rough terrain. Each man needs to bring 2 to 3 gallons of water for each week-end, as well as dried fruits, nuts, protein or granola bars, etc. to be commingled into a community pantry.


Natural Passages: Men Becoming Leaders

What the program did for me was to open me up how to be more intimate with myself and other males. How to support other males with love, compassion and understanding. To be more present with myself and other males. To remove the masks and step out to be who I really am. I would like to Thank all who showed up, the men of the program, the Hawk, the hummingbird, the wolf, the creek, the rain, the snow, the snake, the spirits and to all the others.
—Corky Larsen, Cleveland


The program was transformational for me. I was able to finally say goodbye to the "boy" inside me to allow space for the "man" to come out. I learned to quiet my mind and listen to my heart. I have gained a focus and power in my personal and professional lives and am being more authentic and present in both. I have become reacquainted with the spiritual world and realize I am a unique being here on earth AND that I share so much with the matrix of life that is around me. Herb, thanks for the wake up call.
—John Griffin, Washington, D.C.


The program accelerated the transformation of my consciousness from mind based consciousness to spirit based consciousness. It helped me to become more aware of my true nature. It greatly enhanced my spiritual life. It was a joy to know the other men in the program in a far deeper way than I have ever known other men and observe the growth of their spirits. Each of the original participants achieved observable spiritual growth. It was wonderous to behold. Herb Stevenson is an exceptional and mystical leader. I shall always treasure my association with Herb and with all the Men of Medicine.
—Dave Noble, Wooster,Ohio


The program has given me the tools to be a better man, peace within myself that I have never had in my 59 years, and to know how I am part of all God's creations from the earth to the stars above and everything in between. I learned how everything from the seasons, animals, water, rocks, birds, and trees, including me, are tied to each other. I can now see better as to what is really important and lasting for real peace and happiness.

The program gave me inner peace of knowing God and all his or her creations. I learned other forms of prayer. God's gifts have become more apparent to me. I was able to share and to be really present with other men and to truly listen and learn from other men in a different and more meaningful way.

It has taught me how to forgive and what forgiving others can do for me. It has taught me patience and how to listen more intently and take more in before voicing my thoughts. I better understand others. My confidence in myself, and who I am has increased. It has awakened my need to become more knowledgeable about all things including myself.

A portion of the program is about leadership and elders. It is clearly apparent to me that Herb Stevenson (One White Horse Standing) is both a leader and an elder.
—Claude Fields, Sterling Heights, Michigan


Mark attended the program at a time in his life when he was coming out of a "dark night of the soul" experience. I was amazed at how much brighter and more focused he was when he would return home. He was more loving, sensitive and hopeful. I found myself looking forward to his next event!
—Bobbi Way, Medina, Ohio


The impact on me is transformation. I let you see me and began to see more of myself. Being different and being seen while standing with and belonging. I am standing in my heart, from this I am not moved. I went out to the edge and you held me, so I did not look away. I have experienced myself. I have experienced relationships. I experience gratitude.
— Adam "Bear Man" Roth Cleveland Hts, Ohio

"The program has taught me to speak to men, as well as women, from my heart and feelings. It's essential for my life and soul. I stand taller as a man and a compassionate human being. I laugh louder, cry from a deeper place, and enjoy life from a more authentic place within me".
—Paul Farley Upper Michigan


Two words stand-out. Understanding and Spirit. Understanding: I have never met a man in my life time who understands as much as you do about life and being a man in this world. Spirit: you have been a real teacher to me and have helped me to open myself up to the spirit inside me. Thank You, One White Horse Standing. I can never put into words the gratitude I have for you and what the program has done for me, my family and friends. I will take what you have given me and go forth and use it as best I can.
—Claude "P Buff " Fields Detroit, Michigan


There is a lot I would like to say about the program. The effect it has had on me has been resonating louder and louder each day. It's like the bell that calls you to your life and you can't ignore it. I am learning that these rumblings inside of me are not a bad thing to run from, but a good thing. Rumblings of a desire for life. Feelings of wanting to be present and deeply connected to other men who are my brothers as well as a deep longing to be connected to spirit. I have learned how important it is to heal old spiritual wounds (the thought of a condemning god kept me away from this desire to feel connected to spirit and sometimes people) and accept a spirit that loves all. I learned that my life starts now. My medicine (essence) and gifts are ready for the world as is.
—Dano "the Tree" Cavanaugh Pittsburgh, Pa.


The Four Responsibilities of Manhood

The ability to Show up and be present without preconceived notions while taking action and enforcing boundaries

The ability to assess, analyze, and contain, while Saying what's so when it is so without blame or judgment

Ability to connect and feel, while Paying attention to what has heart and meaning The Ability to Initiate, Support and Create Order, While being Open to Outcome

The Four Great Values

  1. Courage
  2. Respect
  3. Compassion
  4. Generosity

The Four Fear Responses

  1. Fight
  2. Fawn
  3. Flight
  4. Freeze

The Four Chambered Heart

  1. Strong
  2. Clear
  3. Open
  4. Full

The Four Laws of Change

  1. Change come from within
  2. Permanent Change requires a vision
  3. A great healing or shared learning must occur
  4. A healing force/forest must be present

The Four Balanced Actions of Male Maturity

  1. Doing/Innocence
  2. Achievement/Knowing
  3. Caring/Introspection
  4. Holding/Silence

The Four Enemies of Male Maturity

Cowardice as seen through: Victimization, conflict avoidance, dissociation, rage, irresponsibility

Entitlement as seen through: Control focused, Abuse of power, Living behinds masks that no longer serve, judgmental, deflection

Superiority as seen through: Perfection, Seriousness, Addictive behaviors, Alienation/Separation

Inferiority as seen through Worthlessness, co-dependency, narcissism, tyrannical, know-it-all

Therapy versus Male Maturation

Therapy Male Maturation

Aims for enhanced coping and social adjustment based on modification of one's behavior to the external authority in one's life...social, cultural, parental, employer, etc.

Work is done in and about the middle world of day-to-day life, where emotional wounds, development of personal bonds, the cultivation of physical grace and emotional expression, and the blossoming of empathy, intimacy, and personality authenticity are addressed.

It can be focused towards saving marriages, facilitating divorces, cultivating social skills or friendships, enhancing performance or enjoyment in our current careers, raising economic standing, ending depressions, helping us understand or express feelings, gaining insight into our personalities or personal histories, or being happier.

Descent into the underworld is often avoided or bypassed by initiating coping or reframing techniques. Discomfort and/or suffering is eased as quickly as possible. The elimination of the symptoms is foremost.

Male maturation means assuming socially and culturally defined adult responsibilities such as economic and employment sustain- ability, family and relational stability, and/or personality congruence.

Aims for initiation and cultural change that can lead to the re-establishment of internal authority as a vessel for how to live one's life.

Work is done in the under world, home of the soul, where embodiment of the soul deepens individuality through the discovery of our particular place in the world and the embodiment of our unique form of service, and brought into the middle world, home of day to day life and personalities.

The focus is to cultivate a relationship between the ego and the four parts of the soul.

It is not focused towards saving marriages, facilitating divorces, cultivating social skills or friendships, enhancing performance or enjoyment in our current careers, raising economic standing, ending depressions, helping us understand or express feelings, gaining insight into our personalities or personal histories, or being happier, even though it might occur as a side effect.

The initial descent into the underworld may make life more difficult or lonely or less comfortable, secure, or happy as social stability and psychological composure can be lost while internal authority is restored so that the active, mature adult male of the soul can surface.

Male maturation means moving closer to the soul. This can be done by returning to nature and experiencing the elements, exploring the symbols that give meaning to your life, discovering the vision that has been waiting for you to claim.

Adapted from Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche, 2003


MoMen Return

September 19-22, 2013

MoMen Return

We shall not cease from our exploration, And the end of all our exploring, Will be to arrive where we started, And know the place for the first time. —T. S. Eliot

The MoMen Return weekend is for those who have completed the year-long program. It is a return to where we started. It is an exploration into the four principles of presence. The focus is to delve deeply into the relational next steps of the four chambered heart, the four phantoms of fear and the resulting shadow behavior. Dynamic exercises will be provided to support an inward journey and then the opportunity to share these private stories with each other.

The intention of the weekend is to take advantage of the wooded area of the Pebble Ledges. Living in tents, we will have the magic of solitude, the comfort of the surrounding forest, and the support of the community of other MoMen. Woven into the fabric of the weekend are experiences that support personal and interpersonal explorations of whom are you as a man in today’s world.

When

MoMen Return will occur September 19-22, 2013. Start-up is 9:00 AM on Thursday, September 19th with a brief hello and get to know each other before we build our village and homes for the weekend. One or two small villages will be created depending on how many MoMen Return.

Costs

The MoMen Return workshop is $600 per person. There is a $100 discount per person, if paid in full by July 1, 2013. Mail checks to: Cleveland Consulting Group, Inc. at 9796 Cedar Road, Novelty, Ohio 44072-9747.

Supplies

Food and tents are provided for the weekend. However, all sleeping gear, eating utensils, and personal items must be brought to the weekend. In addition, we are asking that each MoMan bring 2-3 gallons of water that will be used for drinking and washing stations.

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or download the PDF brochure here

 

Learn more at www.natural-passages.com

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